


We'll make our happy ending through this endless cage

by Ale_Song



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Fix-It: s04e08 Silence in the Library, Episode Fix-It: s4e09 Forest of the Dead, F/M, tbh kind of fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22318450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ale_Song/pseuds/Ale_Song
Summary: Death was preferable to that.Days after days, all always the same. Wake up the kids, make breakfast, make lunch, wait for them to come back to school, eat dinner together and go to bed.This wasn’t what River wanted.Or to better say she didn't want to do it alone.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	We'll make our happy ending through this endless cage

Death was preferable to that.

Days after days, all always the same. Wake up the kids, make breakfast, make lunch, wait for them to come back to school, eat dinner together and go to bed.

This wasn’t what River wanted.

Or to better say she didn't want to do it alone. She dreamed of it, and even tried to ask the fatidic question to her husband, bu tit never happened, not even during their prolonged (umpteenth, because they obviously married again two days after they met) honeymoon on Darillium.

She wasn’t made for that, the only exception was Darillium, but just because the Doctor was with her. Twenty four years of bliss, just the two of them, and Nardole sometimes. Actually Nardole was at the beginning their hobby, reassembling him like a weird type of puzzle. And even if the Doctor kept to deny it, he and the robot were quickly bonding.  
It was good, she thought one night, watching them bickering over the last piece of cake. When she will gone – thing that was almost sure at that point- her husband would have someone who looked after him. River knew that at the end of their time together, the Doctor would have difficult time to get back on his feet.

At least one of them would be okay at the end.

Charlotte tried to distract her. Bless the little girl. This is how she learned how to materialise herself outside the Library. At the beginning she thought it was fun, haunting the Doctor, but soon she realised that it wasn’t enough. After the events of Trenzalore, her heart definitely broken, she stopped to follow him. He deserved more than her ghost. She knew, that even if bow tie was old, he still wasn’t old enough. He simply wasn’t ready yet. But he will be, far in his future.

Sometimes she pondered if it was the case to visit an older version of the Doctor, the one who share with her so many years. The one who built a restaurant just because she liked the view. But every time she thought about it, River felt it wasn’t the right thing to do. For both of them.  
She was dead, and for him seeing her around would have surely make things worse.

The Doctor tried to save her. She was sure of that. He spent night after night, his head down looking to papers full of complicated equations. He never told what was her fate, but she knew that it wasn’t something happy. After all this was their last time together.  
During the last years, when the sky was getting clearer day after day, sign of the unstoppable sunrise, the sad gaze on the Doctor’s face returned. It was the same as the one he gave her during their first night there, on that balcony.  
When the fatidic day come, none of them was ready. The Doctor even suggested to cheat. They had a TARDIS after all, sometimes they even used the old girl during the twenty four year, when both of them were bored of that little planet.

She said no.

It was her time to go, even if River herself disagreed. It was the best for both of them. Sometimes the right thing to do was the most hurtful one. It wasn’t possible to run forever, eluding her end. It had to happen one day.  
The Doctor cried that day, his fingers twisting his wedding ring. They waited the complete rise of the sunset before saying goodbye to each other. Neither of them was able to speak, the Doctor tried to say something with feeble voice, but his sobbing were so loud to cover the subtle music of the towers.

Not even a day after she died.

That day she died, but ironically was saved. She lived, and the first daylight she saw was the artificial one, created by the Library’s matrix. For years River hated daylight, it was the constant reminder of everything she lost.

During the night things were better. With the children deep asleep in their beds, it was easier for her to get lost in memories. Some nights it was a welcome thing, River bramed those times. She usually sat on the patio a glass of wine in her hand a virtual copy of her diary in the other. Sometimes she even laughed while reading one of their first adventures from the Doctor’s point of view. He was so young, still trying to escape from her. It was so obvious to her, despite his rule seven, the Doctor escaped a lot.

Some night the memories weren’t so welcome. Their first wedding anniversary in the Library was full of sobs, her will wasn’t enough to even open her diary. Those nights left her exhausted, for days to follow her voice was hoarse, the melancholy so strong to made her unaffected by everything was happening around her. River still did her best to hide it both from the children and her team. It wasn’t their fault, so why burden them, even if they were not real? They were happy, as much someone can be if you are only a code in a matrix. But for them that meant be alive.  
Today was one of the bad nights. It was almost fall in the matrix, or maybe that was her perception. She liked the view from the patio, especially at night. Her house was located near to a cliff. River liked that, and not only because the view was breathtaking (even if she couldn’t actually breath. That was one of the most difficult thing to adjust to in her new life), probably the amazing sight was one of Charlotte’s many attempt to cheer her up. The view looked quite a lot like Calderon Beta. The only thing different were the stars, not nearly enough to completely light the landscape.

If River had to be sincere, it sounded quite dangerous at the beginning, especially considered that there were children in the house. But soon enough River realized that there wasn’t any real danger. The good -or bad thing- of being just a string of pre-existent code was that if something was wrong, the factor which created the flaw could be easily fixed. Like that one time when Ella fell from the cliff. One moment River heard her scream and the next she was safe and sound, playing with Charlotte and Joshua. After the first few times she stopped caring.

“May I sit?” Asked suddenly a well known voice, shaking her from her thoughts. River didn’t turn around to see. Maybe she deserved it, an eye for an eye. She haunted him in his past and now it was her turn to pay.  
“Are you kidding, River? Have you lost your mind? And do you realize you said that out loud?” Said the newcomer finally sitting near to River. He was tense, she could tell it. There was space between them, and even if it was only half a meter it seemed insurmountable, so River didn’t even tried to get closer.

“Yes maybe I did! I did lost my mind, long time ago, Doctor.” She didn’t realized how much her voice was high and piercing until she turned her head to properly see her husband for the first time in probably centuries, or the closest thing to them in that damn place. River recognised the look on the Doctor’s face. That gaze was so common when he was younger, it screamed fear, concern. River hated that gaze, and now she hated it even more knowing that an older Doctor -one who knew her so well- was doing it.

“I’m sorry.” The words were almost whispered and River nearly miss them. She quickly turned her head, a mere attempt to hide the tears that were rapidly forming.

“Really?! Do you really expect that I believe to it, Doctor? What is the next thing will you say?” She was standing now, even further from the Doctor. He didn’t move, too much petrified almost surely by his sense of guilt.

“Doctor,” River started, leaning against the door jamb, her face towards the horizon. He could clearly see it now, she was crying. The Doctor hated himself for that, he was the cause of her pain. As always, it was his fault. It was him who trapped her in that endless simulation. He tried to save her, since their first day on Darillium. But then the sunrise came, and he had to say goodbye to her. Even after all those years he still couldn’t find a solution, Missy more than one time told him that he was an idiot. She was right.

“Why are you here?”

“Because I need you. I don’t care if we’re dead to the eyes of everybody, but I need you. I need more of us, and I’m tired that the universe doesn’t agree. So I found a loophole: if I couldn’t save you, then I would join you.”

“You did what?!” Almost screamed River. It wasn’t exactly the shock that made her raise voice, but the utterless reckless that her now deceased husband showed. Not that she didn’t appreciate his intention, but the Doctor was talking about staying with her in a prison for the eternity. A lovely, vast and so, so close to be considered a real world, but still a prison. She didn’t want to see him trapped, her idiot husband was a creature of the universe. She didn’t want to see him condemned to a boring eternity with her. The Library’s matrix wasn’t like Darillium, where despite having a house they always had the chance to travel thanks the TARDIS.

“What, besides losing your mind, have you also became deaf?” Moked the Doctor, slowly closing the distance between them. “It’s my choice, River. I reflected a lot about actually doing this in the past years. This is not one of my hasty choice, like that time I wanted to do a hat themed treasure hunt-”

“How many times I have to say you to stop to making fun of your past regenerations? The rule still applies even if you’re dead, darling.” 

“Shush you, I still have to finish my speech. You can punish me later.” Suggested the Doctor finally embracing River. She missed his arms around her waist. The Doctor always professed that he wasn’t a touchy person in this regeneration, but River promptly realized how wrong he was under the right circumstances.

“Cheeky.” The Doctor did nothing but wink at her. Years back, when their time on Darillium just started, River was positively surprised when she discovered that the Doctor wasn’t so oblivious of her innuendos anymore, in fact she really loved that now her husband was a proper grown up. The first time the Doctor returned back one of her innuendos River almost choked on her breakfast tea because she truly didn’t expect that answer. 

“As I was saying,” continued the Doctor, “it’s been a while since the last time I saw you, I admit it. And i tried to move on as you asked, but I simply couldn’t. No one could ever move on from you.” He booped her nose, as if they were talking of trivial things. All seemed so...domestic, as if the time didn’t pass for them. River quickly pondered about how many years the Doctor lived after their departure. Suddenly River’s eyes started to prickle, a sensation so common for her recently.  
The Doctor sensed that and tightened his arms around her. “Hey, I’m here. I’m not an illusion nor a hologram. Please believe me.” The Doctor muttered softly into River’s ear causing shivers down her spine.

“Sweetie, what happened?”

This was his best idea: uploading himself. Or to better say let the TARDIS do the dirty job for him while he was regenerating.  
"Well, the original plan was to simply not regenerating and let the old girl take my psychic print and upload it directly into the Library’s matrix, but then I thought that another regeneration couldn't possibly be that bad."

"Yeah, I know." Confirmed River. 

"Oh, and how do you know? When you say that, do you mean you know or know?" Asked the Doctor, his left brow rising skeptically, a characteristic trait of this regeneration that River recalled fondly

"Spoilers."

"River Song don't you even dare using that word again. No more spoilers for us, ever. And the fact you said so can mean only one thing: you met my future face, don’t you?" Smiled the Doctor."So, tell me. How is my future?"

"As she would say: brilliant. Shame I met her not nearly as many times as I would've liked" Answered back River "And remember when I said you reminded me of my second wife? Well... Surprise! It was you! Actually, I fully realized it when I met her for the second time, when you and Nardole had to go to Darillium’s capital to help Ramone and his robo-suit because his head wouldn't come out. An idiot with a horrible fashion sense and an excessive attachment to fezzes, almost literally fell from the sky into our backyard. That was quite hard to miss out, I just put two and two together" Admitted River. Oh, and she remember quite vividly how much she liked her husband’s future regeneration. Shame she had to part from her after so little time. Well, at least those precious memories will always be with her.

“You should have seen us at the wedding chapel! I even let you wear a top hat!”

The Doctor’s triumphant face dissolved in a matter of seconds "So I'm the second one? Then who's your first wife?"

"Oh,that's a funny story, really one of the funniest things ever happened to me. What a crazy night. Let's just say it involved some mercenaries sent by the owner of the Crown of the Iced Galaxies, Missy and me."

"DID YOU MARRY MISSY?"

"Strictly speaking it's a real marriage only in the Xandarg Galaxy, but we didn't divorce either so technically we're still married, I guess." Explained River barely holding back a laugh. The look on her husband's face was the most hilarious thing she saw in a while.

"All it's clearer now. That would explain her face when I mentioned you." Muttered the Doctor under his breath.

"The fact you didn't immediately recognized her as the Master is quite ironic and funny actually. She literally called herself Mistress, that's a big clue. What were you thinking that day, darling?"

"...I was busy...And why are we still talking about her? It's our reunion, the day we both dreamed for years, and now we're talking about Missy!" Babbled the Doctor.

"Why not? Are you jealous of her, sweetie? So much jealous that you need to change the subject of conversation, darling? Or maybe you just realized how big of an idiot you are?” Teased River. She loved teasing him, and it was quite an accomplishment seeing him slightly blushing, especially in this old body.

"Me?!" Exclaimed the Doctor pretending to be outraged "Jealous of the creepier version of Mary Poppins? Never. And besides," continued the Doctor, his fingers tracing River’s jaw trying to catch a rebellious curl that escaped from her ponytail, "Missy isn't here. This means I can have you all for myself."

"I'm always yours, darling. And I'll always be. But I have to tell you: I love when you're all possessive. With bow tie it was quite hilarious. With this you hilarious isn't the first thing it comes to my mind."

"Care to share what do you think then, wife?"

"Unbeliable sexy." Whispered River in the Doctor’s ear and noted happily how he shivered as reaction.

"Are you trying to flatter me, Professor Song?"

"Wasn't that obvious, darling?"

"And all this flattering will lead to something else?"

"If you're lucky, darling. After all now we have all the eternity to spend together. Maybe I'll let you wait a little. After all you just told me i could punish you.” Winked River seductively 

"Minx"

"Oh, but you love it."

"And who wouldn't?"

The first kiss they shared, the first after so many years of waiting, was exactly as they both dreamed: eager, but still sweet.  
Instantly, like a magic that only River can summon, the Doctor’s hands were moving like as if they had a mind of their own. With his left hand buried in that magnificent mane of reddish curls and the right one holding her by her hips, finally the Doctor felt complete.He felt back home. And despite being dead he felt alive.That was the power that River had over him.

“You don’t have the faintest idea of how much I missed this, wife.” Whispered the Doctor in River’s ear, feeling her smile in his neck.

“And thinking that the first time I met this face of yours, Doctor, you were so scared of even holding my hand while running.”

“I already told you, dear” Started the Doctor, caressing his wife’s upper lip “I didn’t want to frighten you.”

“Really?! Do you really consider yourself so handsome? Look at your ego, Doctor. Always growing.”

“What can I say, someone fomented it quite a lot during a particular period of time.”

“Do you consider being called grumpy cat as an ego boost, sweetie?”

“Well, it’s an ego boost the moment you said that.”

“Then I should mocking you more often, Doctor.”

“Well, dear. We now have all the time of the universe.”

**Author's Note:**

> In which Ale finally manages to finish to write something she started literally years ago...It's been a while, sorry for the wait lol. But really I finally posted this because I'm sick at home and I don't have anything else to do. And yes 13 "crashed" on Darillim without her fam for totally random reasons, not because she missed her wife...not at all.


End file.
